The Fantasy Fallacy (a 50 Shades of Grey response) by Shannon Ethridge

This is a pretty unique book. Based partly on the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon but mostly on a prophetic picture Shannon Ethridge received, it’s a review of what sexual fantasy is, what it does, and whether it is (or can be) good or bad.

First things first. Although the front cover of this book claims it to be ‘A response to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon’, it definitely isn’t. If you’re looking for something that takes the series and essentially concludes on whether to read it or not, you won’t find that here; Ethridge clearly dislikes it but doesn’t go so far as to say ‘don’t read it’, and barely talks about it (there’s probably no more than a couple of pages on it in the entire book).

So that’s misleading, but the book isn’t really about that. It’s about the fact that almost everyone has sexual fantasies, and what we should do with them. She’s careful not to be judgmental yet at the same time not to ‘allow’ it, and I think does a reasonably good job of talking about something that the Church simply doesn’t talk about. She’s particularly strong on understanding why we have particular fantasies, how we ought to respond to them, and how they can be redeemed for the good of our marriages and for the glory of God. I thought the chapter on pornography was one of the strongest I’ve read.

That said, I didn’t love this book. In her desire to not be too left-wing or right-wing I found her at times to sit on the fence and simply not communicate; at one point she seems to suggest that someone who fantasizes about violently raping a child should tone down the fantasy by increasing the age of the child and by imagining that the child enjoys it rather than getting pleasure from another’s pain. To a certain extent I can see where she’s going (one step at a time seeing our fantasies becoming those of us loving our spouse better) but I felt that she stopped short of saying that clearly enough, which left me thinking a reader could justify their fantasies. I also felt that she wasn’t as strong as I’d hoped when talking about fantasies regarding incest or homosexuality.

If you’re really squeamish or are feeling offended by some of the content of this review, this book probably isn’t for you. At points the book goes into perhaps a touch too much detail which is appropriate within the context but to my mind would restrict this book to married couples.

Overall, if you want a good, honest, biblical look at sexual fantasy you can’t really go wrong with this one. It wasn’t outstanding so I’d normally go for four stars but the fact that the Shades books were barely mentioned and the minor frustrations I had with it I’m having to go three stars this time.

I got this book for free from BookSneeze.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.

The biggest driver for anything: sex

Perhaps this is an exaggeration, but it’s probably at least close to true: the biggest driver for achieving anything is sex.

Damon Brown, a writer for Playboy, once said:

It seems so obvious. If we invent a machine, the first thing we are going to do—after making a profit—is use it to watch porn. You name it, pornography planted its big flag there first, or at least shortly thereafter.

Think about it. He’s probably right. And Damon Brown would obviously therefore say porn’s a good thing. I’m sure we can agree that without sex the human race statistically would die out in approximately one generation.

But porn is objectively bad. A study by Drs. Zolf Zillman and Jennings Bryant showed that only 25% men who watched 4 hours and 48 minutes of porn over 6 weeks supported women’s rights, in comparison to 71% of men who hadn’t – that’s a 46% drop. Shockingly, women in the study showed a 30% drop in support for women’s rights.

So, to say sex (and its mutated ugly sister porn) is so significant it’s been a while since my last post on it. And because I think it’s important, I’m just going to post to some good other posts on it.

• Overcoming pornography temptations
• A parent’s guide to protecting kids on YouTube
• Accountability partner guide

Man enough to love a real woman

Image via Wikipedia

I think my journey of meeting and getting to know Anna, making an absolute fool of myself, then marrying her was more a story of my impatience and impulsiveness than any genuine humility, but I enjoyed and agree with the sentiment behind this article about dating.

Here are a couple of snippets:

I was like a lot of single, Christian guys. I just wanted to follow God’s will in finding a wife — that’s all — oh yeah, and I also wanted a modest version of the Cosmo girl. And, well, I didn’t want her to be too needy. Oh, and she also needed to be smart — really smart — but not, like, so smart that she made me feel stupid. And, of course, she needed to be spiritually mature (you know, like me). And one more thing: I wanted her to have a cool and fun personality (whatever that meant).

…I met my wife at a party on Capitol Hill. Unlike before, I didn’t think, I’ll consider taking that girl out. I thought, I wonder if she would go out with me. I cautiously introduced myself, and as we talked, I found myself focusing on her qualities, rather than mentally trying to ferret out her deficiencies.

I’d recommend the whole thing.

Max on Life by Max Lucado

In this book Max Lucado takes a whole lot of questions that he’s found he’s been asked over the years, and endeavours to respond to each one in one page each. The book is separated into several sections dealing with hurt, home, relationships, and so on.

Max Lucado is a really good communicator and I think is at his best in this book; the toughest question takes no more than a page and a half to answer, and the vast majority of the time you feel like he’s presented a thoroughly biblical and sincere response.

There are some nice quotes, catchy phrases, and good disciplines in here as well – my only concern would be that because of the succinctness of the answers, a reader may not be able to properly take in the content!

The only thing that slightly frustrated me was the same thing that occurs in all Lucado’s books; he uses a different translation every time he quotes from the Bible. At times this is useful and brings a good take on the topic, but every so often I was left wondering why that particular translation of that particular verse…

All in all, thoroughly recommended. Whether you read it cover-to-cover, or pick out the most relevant questions or Bible verses or topics, I’d be happy recommending this to any reader, Christian or non-Christian.

I got this book for free from BookSneeze.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.

How to Stay Christian in College by J. Budziszewski

This book is a manual written for current and future university students, designed to give them good preparation for coping with the spiritual battleground that is the uni campus.

I was excited about this book. It seemed to directly address a real problem, talking about real issues and not backing down. It was also really practical, so even though the opening chapters were talking about theology, the application was wonderfully clear.

But that said, I think the book let itself down when it tried to become too practical. In particular some imaginary conversations were recorded to show how certain logic can overcome incorrect worldviews, but it just didn’t seem realistic enough for me.

The two chapters on sex and politics stood out as particularly unhelpful. While I fully agreed with almost everything the author said, the analogies were flawed and talked about things which don’t seem that much of a concern any more. Maybe it’s because I’m from the UK but politics didn’t massively interest anyone I knew when I was at uni!

Overall I think this book’s heart is in the right place. It will certainly encourage Christian teenagers to enter university prepared to discuss their opinions in an informed manner. That said, I don’t think this would do much more than provide ammunition for a teenager who was ready to rebel at 18.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Untamed: Reactivating a Missional Form of Discipleship by Alan and Debra Hirsch (audio)

The title well describes this book. It presents a form of discipleship which is intentionally missional, and decidedly not ‘tame’.

I can’t make my mind up about this book. On the whole it is thoroughly biblical, and gives a healthy challenge to the western church, but there are some questionable parts.

At one point, for example, the authors say that there shouldn’t be any representation of God (including e.g. paintings of Jesus). I don’t agree with that. They also recommend a version of the Bible I’m not a fan of, The Voice. At one point they even suggest you should interpret the Bible in a different way to get yourself thinking, by losing the deity of the Holy Spirit (although not in so many words!). There are others as well.

The overall message is good, however, but I’m not sure who I’d recommend it to. Because of the odd parts I wouldn’t want to recommend this to a brand new or undiscerning Christian but at the same time I’m not sure a more mature Christian would be genuinely challenged by it.

The audio version of this book is presented nicely, but there are some weaknesses. The foreword, by Rick Warren, is read by the same narrator – I’d have preferred another – and the same is true of parts of the book written only from the point of Debra, which confused me sometimes. There are conversation starters for small groups at the end of each chapter which don’t work very well in an audio version.

But I want to finish by saying that the themes in this book are good, and important. If you’re a Christian and won’t read another book, read this one with discernment.

I got this book for free from christianaudio.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.

The God Who Smokes by Timothy J. Stoner

Yes, the guy’s name’s funny. He admits it on the opening pages. Anyway, this book OS intended to be ‘scandalous meditations in faith’, particularly by trying to find middle ground between the emerging/emergent and fundamentalist evangelical movements. Stoner’s chapters look at God’s character and our response.

For a start, this is phenomenally well-written. Through personal stories and clever analogies it’s impossible not to enjoy the communication style. The content’s good too, biblically sound, logical and gracious.

That said, I struggle to put this in a box. With this title you don’t expect orthodoxy, but that is what you get, albeit presented in a post-modern style. He clearly tries to get the emergent crowd on board by using the word ‘crap’ in the introduction, and quoting Rob Bell and Brian McLaren throughout, but he fundamentally disagrees with them both.

The problem with this book isn’t the words, it’s the cover. It doesn’t really discover a new middle ground in Christianity, it just presents evangelicalism in a more Rob Bell style.

So, it gets plenty of thumbs up from me – I looked forward to reading it every day – but on this occasion you have to conclude that you can’t judge a book by its cover!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper (audio)

I greatly respect John Piper’s ministry, and one of his key mottos which has impacted me has been ‘Don’t waste your life’. The idea that I could sit on my deathbed and regret my time here is a thought that plagues me, and I think Piper’s theology hits the nail squarely on the head. Through a variety of carefully picked chapters John Piper puts forward the idea that we will be most fulfilled, and most satisfied, when we are living every ounce of our lives to the glory of God.

The writing style is extremely logical, but includes many well-told stories so to my mind anyone would enjoy reading this book, and the audio presentation is also good. I have heard many tell me before that their lives have been radically changed through reading this book, and I have to say I join those ranks.

My only concern with this book would be that a reader/listener could take the message ‘too far’, so I’d thoroughly recommend this book with a ‘chill out’ warning. That said, Piper is well aware of this tendency so a careful read of this would be a good thing for absolutely anyone.

In short, I’d recommend this to every Christian regardless of spiritual maturity, and every seeker. In particular I think this would be invaluable to someone whose faith had started to become stale. If you’re not sure, check out the free version of this available online for download: http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/online-books/dont-waste-your-life

I got this audiobook for free from christianaudio.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.

How doctrine’s like sex

Put ‘sex’ in a blog post title and increase traffic by 39%.  Fact.

I started reading a book the other day.  One of the things it said is that doctrine has become like a demigod to some branches of Christianity, and like a curse word for others.

The author very cleverly compares doctrine to sex. Satan has no creative ability, so the only way he can be mean is to take something good, and twist it until it’s so deformed it’s difficult to see past it to the original beautiful thing it was created to be. The perfect example of this is sex, and here are his own words:

What could be more life-affirming, life-enhancing, life-producing, more fun, joyful, freeing, and exciting? Now think of how the enemy has bent it into a grotesque caricature in the sex shows, peep shows, and prostitution markets – how it perverts and debases the pornography-bound, the sadomasochist, and the child abuser. Life bent into death. The same can be said for any aspect of reality, and that includes the intellectual, the philosophical, the biblical, the theological. What God intended for blessing as been – but need not continue to be – a curse. Sex is still really good, despite its ugly distortions.

So is theology.

I encourage you to try it. You’ll like it.

Good theology, like good sex, is not optional for the survival of the human race. It is not just for the religious/philosophical Geek Squad. It is essential.

Spot on, I think.

Islamic prostitution in the name of legalism

I don’t normally do this but I found this almost unbelievable. Before you read it, please don’t think I’m transposing this onto all Muslims! It’s just one occurence in one heavily Islamic nation.

In the name of legalism, the following document (which can be found here at planet-iran.com in its original form) justifies prostitution of girls as young as 12:

In the name of Allah who is most gracious and merciful

Temporary Marriage (Marriage is among the traditions of the Prophet Mohammad)

In order to elevate the spiritual atmosphere, create proper psychological conditions and tranquility of mind, the Province of the Quds’eh-Razavi of Khorassan has created centers for temporary marriage (just next door to the shrine) for those brothers who are on pilgrimage to the shrine of eighth Imam, Imam Reza, and who are far away from their spouses.

To that end, we call on all our sisters who are virgins, who are between the ages of 12 and 35 to cooperate with us. Each of our sisters who signs up will be bound by a two-year contract with th province of the Quds’eh-Razavi of Khorassan and will be required to spend at least 25 days of each month temporarily married to those brothers who are on pilgrimage. The period of the contract be considered as a part of the employment experience of the applicant. The period of each temporary marriage can be anywhere between 5 hours to 10 days. The prices are as follows:

· 5 hour temporary marriage — 50,000 Tomans ($50 US)
· One day temporary marriage — 75,000 Tomans ($75 US)
· Two day temporary marriage — 100,000 Tomans ($100 US)
· Three day temporary marriage — 150,000 Tomans ($150 US)
· Between 4 and 10 day temporary marriage — 300,000 Tomans ($300 US)

Our sisters who are virgins will receive a bonus of 100,000 Tomans ($100 US) for the removal of their hymen.

After the expiration of the two-year contract, should our sisters still be under 35 years of age and should they be so inclined, they can be added to the waiting list of those who are seeking long-term temporary marriage. The employed sisters are obligated to donate 5% of their earnings to the Shrine of Imam Reza. We ask that all the sisters who are interested in applying, to furnish two full-length photographs (fully hijabed and properly veiled), their academic diplomas, proof of their virginity and a certificate of good physical and psychological health which they can obtain through the health human services of the township of their residence. Please forward all compiled material and sen the below address by the 31st of the month of Ordibehesht, 1389 (May 21st, 2010).

Attention: For sisters who are below 14 years of age, a written consent from their fathers or male guardian is required.

I’m sorry, but surely adultery is sin no matter how you word it?