Book review: The 5 Money Personalities by Scott and Bethany Palmer

This is a book for married couples who encounter conflict around money (i.e. every married couple). It suggests that there are 5 Money Personalities (Saver, Spender, Risk Taker, Security Seeker and Flyer), that we all relate to two of them, and that it’s our differences in Money Personality that cause conflict in marriage. It’s not a how-to guide on budgeting or getting out of debt, but it’s not intended to be.

It’s healthy for every married couple to honestly discuss money, and this book gives one good structure for this, with lots of capitalised activities (you have a Money Personality, a Money Relationship, you have Money Huddles…). By working through it as a couple it will unlock doors to understand where conflict is coming from, and to improve the quality of a marriage. Good news.

The book is definitely quick and easy to read and the chapters are short, so it’s reasonable to expect even a book hater to be able to read a chapter and discuss it. There’s a website connected to the book, themoneycouple.com, which has a bunch of extra resources on it, but I couldn’t get that to work.

The style is straightforward, related to real life, and funny, but at times got repetitive; why use ten words when a hundred will do? There’s also a really good appendix (which I think would have fitted perfectly well within the book) giving practical advice on how to cope with your spouse’s Money Personality, although the conclusion seemed to be ‘agree on a budget’ (key word being ‘agree’), which does seem to be the only answer.

Overall I did find the book interesting and it sparked thoughts and conversations in my marriage, but I’m not sure how strongly I’d recommend it if I’m honest. If you’re experiencing conflict in your marriage, definitely buy this book. If you’re not, I think you’ll find the majority of it a bit irrelevant.

I got this book for free from BookSneeze.com in exchange for an honest review.

Related articles

• Book Review: The 5 Money Personalities by Scott & Bethany Palmer (richardburkey.wordpress.com)
• Book Giveaway! The 5 Money Personalities (ruthiedean.com)
• The Money Couple: Don’t Let Financial Conflict Ruin Your Relationship (newyork.cbslocal.com)

What about dating sites?

facebook engancha (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Last week the most-viewed post asked the question: who is my Miss/Mr Right? Maybe the next logical step is to ask where to find them, and a natural place in 21st century London is: on the internet!

There are adverts for dating sites everywhere – nowhere more obvious than on Facebook of all places, which is meant to tailor adverts to me…apparently telling them I’m married doesn’t stop that. The only reason I ever joined a dating site was because I was offered 50p cashback. I got my 50p, but I didn’t get even one person expressing an interest in me! I like to think that was because I didn’t put up a photo or any information about myself at all, but it would have been nice…

Anyway, I just thought I’d throw this out there – it would be good to know what you think!

Advantages of dating sites

• It’s being honest; everyone on the site is saying ‘I’d like a boyfriend/girlfriend’ – that takes the whole ‘Does she think this is a date?’ thought out of your mind!
• The dating sites are cleverly designed, and want the same thing that you do so their statistics look better
• Dating via a dating site gets you married quicker than meeting in person (like, within an average of 18 months rather than an average of four years)

Disadvantages of dating sites

• People lie (noooooo!); apparently 81% of people lie about basic stuff like height, weight or age
• Dating sites encourage adultery; that person you fancy might be married (remember that Ashley Madison campaign ‘Life is short. Have an Affair’?
• Having picked a date with one person out of a seemingly endless pool of potential matches makes it easier to be dissatisfied

 

Related articles

• Christian Dating Sites Are Creating More Successful Matches – Study Revealed! (ruralstops.blogspot.com)

The Blessing by John Trent and Gary Smalley

The subtitle for this book is ‘Giving the gift of unconditional love and acceptance’, and it basically outlines a strategy for improving family relationships, quality and length of life through doing just that, enacting ‘The Blessing’. The book contains four parts, answering (1) why the blessing is important, (2) the steps the blessing is made up of, (3) what happens if you don’t get the blessing, and (4) practical guidance for putting it into practice.

It’s pretty convincing. Looking at people’s lives where they haven’t received the blessing consistently leads to broken marriages, ill health and unhappy people, whereas the benefits are innumerable. The blessing is a simultaneous, ongoing five-step process made up of meaningful, appropriate touch, words of affirmation, attaching high value to people, picturing a special future, and making an active and practical commitment. So nice and simple, and relatively easy to memorise and put into practice.

It’s easy to read. The stories come across as genuine, both those from the authors’ own lives and those where they talk about others, and the book as a whole is laid out in a logical way. It’s also clearly influenced by the Bible and refers to specific passages with good effect.

But I have to say I’m not sold out on it. The concept is fine, but this book probably isn’t going to land on my ‘read it again’ pile. For a start, the real content is really in those five steps I outlined above, so to be honest there’s not much more real ‘stuff’ in the book than there is in this blog post. Secondly, I felt the book leaned a little too heavily on people’s stories rather than on practical examples of how the reader can put it into practice. Finally, in this revised and updated version there are multiple links to the blessing website and pauses for thought, which are fine in themselves but felt a bit wedged in at times – I’m not convinced they add that much.

That all said, I’d be very happy to recommend this book to anyone who wanted to improve a relationship (whether good or bad), or who had suffered through not having received the blessing themselves. On a personal level I didn’t find it as useful as others perhaps could have, but I definitely wouldn’t use that as an excuse to tell others not to benefit from it.

I got this book for free from BookSneeze.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.

Finishing well

A cross close to the church in Grense Jakobselv, Norway. Suomi: Risti kirkon lähellä Vuoremijoella, Norjassa. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We’re heading into the summer (…apparently…) and that means wedding season! Now I love weddings, but having watched Don’t Tell The Bride probably once or twice (or forty times) more often than I should have has underlined what I think we already know: there’s a touch too much emphasis on the wedding, and not enough on the marriage.

Allow me to be a touch controversial and suggest that the last day of a person’s marriage is infinitely more important than the first. Just think about that for a moment.

Charles & Diana had the fairytale wedding but I expect both of them would have swapped the perfect day for a dream marriage. And compare that with a couple who suffered a cheap, rainy wedding day on which that uncle fell out with that cousin, but can laugh about it together 60 years later. Who doesn’t love seeing an elderly couple holding hands?!

The same’s true of Christianity. Who would you rather be: the pastor’s son who lived a good childhood and starting leading a church, but ended up losing his faith, cheating on his wife and dying bitter and alone, or the chief of sinners who repented and was congratulated on his last day for having kept the faith and fought the good fight?

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you’ve done, you can always look ahead to your last day. The time to start preparing is now.

Serve yourself

Image via Wikipedia

The other day I passed a charity building which had this claim in the front window:

WE SERVE OTHERS, NOT OURSELVES.

Apart from the arrogant and judgmental tone I instantly thought, ‘Well, of course you do serve others, but that sign certainly isn’t there for them is it?’

Based solely on that sign it would appear that the people working for that charity do so primarily as a way to make themselves feel good for having served others not themselves…which is a bit contradictory, don’t you think? They serve others in order to serve themselves!

But that got me thinking about love. If a husband said ‘I make my wife happy, not myself’ that sounds very noble, but ultimately doesn’t work because of the way relationships function; a husband really makes his wife happy to make his life easier.

Think about it like this; if Anna were in hospital and I went to visit her she might say, ‘Oh Sam it’s so nice to see you!’ and I might reply, ‘Well, you know I didn’t really want to but I love you, so here I am.’ She probably wouldn’t feel very loved at that moment. But if I’d said ‘I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day!’ she’d probably feel far better about it.

So in order to love and serve others best, it actually works itself out if we do it in order to serve ourselves. Strange but true.

Man enough to love a real woman

Image via Wikipedia

I think my journey of meeting and getting to know Anna, making an absolute fool of myself, then marrying her was more a story of my impatience and impulsiveness than any genuine humility, but I enjoyed and agree with the sentiment behind this article about dating.

Here are a couple of snippets:

I was like a lot of single, Christian guys. I just wanted to follow God’s will in finding a wife — that’s all — oh yeah, and I also wanted a modest version of the Cosmo girl. And, well, I didn’t want her to be too needy. Oh, and she also needed to be smart — really smart — but not, like, so smart that she made me feel stupid. And, of course, she needed to be spiritually mature (you know, like me). And one more thing: I wanted her to have a cool and fun personality (whatever that meant).

…I met my wife at a party on Capitol Hill. Unlike before, I didn’t think, I’ll consider taking that girl out. I thought, I wonder if she would go out with me. I cautiously introduced myself, and as we talked, I found myself focusing on her qualities, rather than mentally trying to ferret out her deficiencies.

I’d recommend the whole thing.

More Than Ordinary by Doug Sherman

In this book Doug Sherman explains that it is actually possible to enjoy life with God! Based on his experience as a teenager in which he handed every area of his life over to God and was surprised to find that Christians actually seemed less happy than other people, he has compiled a biblical argument for how life can truly be enjoyed through our relationship with God. The book is separated into two sections: Encountering God, in which we learn about God’s character, and Enjoying God, in which that character is practically applied to our daily lives.

Sherman’s a good communicator – I found the book easy to read but not over-simplistic – and he has an ability to explain some pretty enormous truths concisely. The concepts presented here aren’t ground-breaking by any means but I found it really useful to be reminded of the importance of the Christian basics like prayer, purity and witness.

Each chapter finishes with a paragraph about how to practically apply the lessons learnt; I imagine this could work well as a devotional in which you think about the chapter during the day or week, or as a tool for a small group discussion.

I’d be happy to recommend this book to any Christian but particularly those who have been Christians for a while – it really takes us back to the foundations of Christianity in a way that isn’t patronising.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Let's Get Real by Dale and Jena Forehand

Based on the Bible and the Forehands’ experience, Dale and Jena’s aim in this book is to inspire and equip couples to live an authentic marriage, giving husbands and wives the tools to communicate better and not present themselves as the perfect couple while remaining hostile behind closed doors.

I found this book a refreshing detour from the typical marriage books I find myself reading. Far from the dream couple who are showing off how great their marriage is, the Forehands have experienced unimaginable pain through marriage breakdown and divorce before having experienced grace and reconciliation through a successful remarriage.

I like the underlying goal of this book, and I like the specific advice given to couples. The characteristics that the authors say husbands and wives should aim to be are spot on, and are rarely mentioned so it’s good to see them here. Perhaps this is my naivety but I think that the majority of the tips given are likely to already be a part of many happy marriages so for a lot of readers this may be more an encouragement than a significant step forward, but that doesn’t undermine the book’s excellent content.

I also really liked the fact that the book so regularly went back to what the Bible said; at every stage the Forehands humbly acknowledge that the only reason they were reconciled was a result of God’s power, and that’s really good to see.

I wouldn’t recommend this book to every couple. For a healthy Christian marriage I think there are better books out there that will motivate even more growth in intimacy, but this book is designed very well for couples who are going through a tough time. I’d recommend this book for any marriage which is experiencing any level of struggle, and I’d recommend you read it as a couple with another couple you’re comfortable with, to mediate if necessary.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

A Conversation With God by Alton Gansky

This book is a collection of 55 questions asked to God, and an account of what His response would be based on the Bible. The questions are separated into various categories, such as God, the Bible, pain and suffering, and today’s world.

 

When I first received this book I was excited; the book naturally fell open at a chapter on whether or not God loves gay people, and I liked the answer. A couple of pages earlier was a chapter on abortion, and again I liked the answer. I decided I’d behave myself and read it from the beginning.

 

Unfortunately, my experience then changed. To say that the title of this book is ‘a conversation with God’, this is a bit of a weird conversation. Each chapter begins with the same question asked three times: first in one sentence, then in a couple of paragraphs, and then in the form of several questions at once. The answers are then not provided by God, but by an entire cast of characters, including Judas, Micah, Asaph, Urbanus, and Matthias. So the format, if anything, is simply confusing. This book is not a conversation with God.

 

On top of this I didn’t find the answers particularly helpful, particularly at the ‘foundational level’ questions. For example, the opening question (in it’s short form) is ‘God, who are You? What are You?’ to which God responds with ‘I’m unique in all creation.’ I agree that God is unique, but ‘in all creation’? Surely God is outside of creation? The answer then continues by describing His characteristics, one of which is His jealousy, which Gansky defines as ‘the fear of losing what you have [in the same way that a husband] worries that he might be losing [his wife].’ I disagree. God is not afraid, and He is not worried.

 

In this entire opening chapter the Holy Spirit is never mentioned, nor is the existence of the Trinity – a major oversight when the question is ‘God, who are you?’. When the Holy Spirit finally pipes up (in chapter seven, after the section of God is finished), He is called simply ‘holy spirit’, as if He is some impersonal force rather than a Person in the Godhead. In the ‘cast list’ in the introduction (which contains a spelling error), the Holy Spirit is not even mentioned. God and Jesus are both named as if they are separate people (I can only assume that Gansky means ‘the Father’ each time he references God), and overall the understanding of God just seems to be a bit clumsy.

 

It seems a shame that silly things like this have slipped through despite the apparent input from a whole host of people (none of whom are named, by the way). The most frustrating of these silly things must be that the introduction seems to disagree so much with the actual book contents. In particular we’re told that the combined efforts have intended ‘to do away with what is often called Christianese‘. Great! But it takes hardly any time for Jesus to start talking about forgiven sin and ‘disciples, who became apostles and established the church to spread the message of salvation.’ What are disciples? Or apostles? And what’s this sin, forgiveness, church, or salvation?

 

At times the specific questions aren’t even answered, the response is simply a general talk about a related topic! For example question two is specific: ‘God, how can we believe that You created us?’ but the answer is summed up early on: ‘The key to seeing creation is the willingness to look…there is no lack of evidence, only lack of belief.’ Well, I agree with the statement, but the answer’s not right – ‘how can we believe?’ ‘You just need to believe.’

 

So in summary I’m not the biggest fan of this book, which is a shame. The idea’s an interesting one, and some questions are dealt with well, but the content of the book just doesn’t live up to the title or the introduction.

 

I got this book for free from BookSneeze.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.

Max on Life by Max Lucado

In this book Max Lucado takes a whole lot of questions that he’s found he’s been asked over the years, and endeavours to respond to each one in one page each. The book is separated into several sections dealing with hurt, home, relationships, and so on.

Max Lucado is a really good communicator and I think is at his best in this book; the toughest question takes no more than a page and a half to answer, and the vast majority of the time you feel like he’s presented a thoroughly biblical and sincere response.

There are some nice quotes, catchy phrases, and good disciplines in here as well – my only concern would be that because of the succinctness of the answers, a reader may not be able to properly take in the content!

The only thing that slightly frustrated me was the same thing that occurs in all Lucado’s books; he uses a different translation every time he quotes from the Bible. At times this is useful and brings a good take on the topic, but every so often I was left wondering why that particular translation of that particular verse…

All in all, thoroughly recommended. Whether you read it cover-to-cover, or pick out the most relevant questions or Bible verses or topics, I’d be happy recommending this to any reader, Christian or non-Christian.

I got this book for free from BookSneeze.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.