Turning critics into coaches

Paul Walsh at Etribes Mashup (Photo credit: Route79)

A bit ago at work I had to deal with someone who really didn’t want me to be at work. It’s not the first time; the job was essentially:

 

1. I spent half an hour talking to some guy (let me called him Paul) about a job he’s been doing for ten years.
2. I spent half an hour reading a document Paul spent six months developing.
3. I wrote a report telling Paul’s bosses all the things he could, nay, should be doing better. Because I’m an expert. Thank you.
4. Paul absolutely lost it.

So, we had a pleasant meeting about it. And Paul responded to literally every point I made with ‘Yes, well, but, equally…’ before going on to point out some reason why he shouldn’t do what I’d recommended. Now, I’m not saying he was never right (he obviously knew a lot more about his job than I did), but there came a point where I realised that he wasn’t disagreeing with me because knew more than I did, or misunderstood what I was getting at; he was disagreeing with me simply because I was encouraging him to change.

 

After thinking about that little exchange I made a little resolution: if anyone, in any context, makes some criticism of me, whether it’s about my work, or my character, or anything, I don’t want to be like Paul. I want to be someone who humbly apologises where necessary, throws out the harmful criticism and takes on board everything that might make me a better person.

 

Who’s with me?

 

Related articles

• Drive-by criticism must die (christianheilmann.com)
• Turning your critics into coaches (theresurgence.com)

Responding to criticism

Image via Wikipedia

Some readers of this blog may find this completely uninteresting, fair enough. See you after the break.

For the rest of you, you may be aware that a guy I’ve always really respected, CJ Mahaney, was accused of a whole bunch of pretty significant stuff getting on for a year or so ago. Because of the society we live in these accusations were made in a wikileaks style viral document, which was quickly circulated among every church leader within the global ministry he oversees, Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM), and all his critics. For examples of the sort of hatred he received (and I wouldn’t waste your time on them), have a look at this blog post, and this one, both of which were written at around that time.

CJ’s immediate response was to resign from his position as Chair of SGM. He said this was so as not to appear to be influencing any response the Board would want to make, but it obviously looked like an immediate admission of guilt.

Tim Challies is a blogger who I really enjoy reading, and he did a great summary at the time of what happened, and what the plans were going forward.

An independent review panel has completed its work, and has issued this report. The conclusions of the report are complicated and not just related to CJ so if you’re interested do go and read it, but in terms of addressing the accusations made in the wikileaks thing it turns out that the guy who raised the concerns in the first place was seeing sin where there was none.

The report by no means paints CJ as some victim or saint, but does come up with the following, significant conclusions:

1. The panels exonerated CJ from any charge that the things he did wrong are areas of unrepentant sin. With respect to [one of the specific situations raised], CJ repented and apologised to the family; with respect to [another], the panel found that the process was handled appropriately (and did not involve CJ); and with respect to his practice of fellowship, they found that his practice was in keeping with the teaching of Scripture.
2. Months ago, an outside panel representing the perspectives of three denominations reviewed the sins CJ confessed – which includes the most serious allegation against him – and advised that they were not grounds for removal from ministry. And in our own internal review with the three panels (comprised of nine SGM pastors), the same conclusion was reached – not one panel recommended that CJ be disqualified from ministry.

So there you have it. CJ confessed and repented of sin in accordance with biblical teaching, and hasn’t done anything to disqualify himself from a ministry position.

I have to admit I am one of the ‘CJ fanboys’ who hopefully expected that this wasn’t the last we’d seen of a man who I’ve experienced to be a wonderful, humble, grace-filled man (not without his faults, but who is?). I was glad to read last week that CJ’s taken this time away to re-evaluate his role in the global church and will be planting another church in the near future.

Soli deo gloria!

Everything is inspired by pride

Image by Lancashire County Council via Flickr

A particularly cynical friend of mine heard the news recently that Jessie J had hurt herself after ignoring doctors’ orders and performing at a bunch of festivals with a broken leg (or something). Her take on it was that Jessie J, despite saying that she was doing it ‘for her fans’, was actually doing it to feed her own pride.

The problem is that this got me thinking. The music industry is an easy one to point the finger at and say, ‘you’re only a pop star because you like the look of your own face and the sound of your own voice’…but who wouldn’t want to sit at the X Factor judges’ table and tell those wannabes how good or bad they sound?

I wonder if every career choice on this planet essentially comes down to pride. I know there are exceptions (that’s what sometimes proves the rule) but I’m talking broad brushstroke thoughts here: is every singly one of us ultimately motivated by pride more than anything else?

My job’s an easy one to analyse – I review a business’s processes, then produce a report with my personal opinions in it, and force that company’s management to create an action plan based on its contents. The whole thing is basically a way of telling them that I know better than they do, despite the fact that they’ve been doing their job for years and I’ve barely been there a week.

Other jobs are probably not as easy to rip apart as mine; some jobs actually exist for the good of the community. Who could possibly question the motives of a teacher, a nurse, or a midwife? But playing devil’s advocate, I’m pretty certain that Jessie J would say that she sees herself as a good role model for the community as she shows those brought up in poorer areas that they can do well with their life…

What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp (audio)

Expectations for marriage, particularly among Christians, are often way off the truth. They’ve led to unhappy marriages, many separations and divorces, and family break-ups. This book tackles pretty much every false expectation head-on.

It’s longer than the typical audiobook, but that’s because it’s so thorough. Tripp looks at everything at the base level – family background and culture, respect, love, sex, character differences – he draws on many scarily real stories and suggests practical ways forward.

This really is very good at pinpointing problems couples face, getting to the root of it, and putting in place biblical solutions. I can honestly say that this is the best holistic guidebook for marriage I’ve read.

That said, the formula for each chapter is so well-formed that it runs the risk of becoming repetitive, and the structure is quite formal so if you’d rather read a more conversational book I don’t think I’d recommend this one.

The audio version is excellent – the narrator is spot on and the text has been updated specifically for it. It’s probably the best audio transition I’ve heard.

I’d recommend this book to any married couple who faces even minor challenges (and let’s face it, who doesn’t?) – your marriage will be strengthened I’m sure. I’d also recommend it to engaged couples – it will help to correct your expectations and prepare for the biggest challenge of your life!

I got this audiobook for free from the christianaudio.com reviewer programme. I’m not required to give a positive review.

What is humility?

First of all, I’m a proud man. I don’t like it, and I’m doing my best to grow in humility, but this is not an area of great strength in my life.

But I’m able to spot pride when I see it. I write articles here each week, and there’s an opportunity for readers to give the articles a star rating. Of course, my ego is only massaged as I see the five stars roll in week upon week (as if!), but for the first time this week I spotted that someone had given my article just one measly star!

Now, my initial reaction was something along the lines of, ‘well, they obviously don’t know anything’ – my own pride reared up! So I went to look back at the article to check that it wasn’t absolutely shocking.

The article talks about the requirement for Christians to submit wholeheartedly to God’s commands. I wrote that if you’re a Christian, you have no real excuse for sinning – not only do you know better now, you’re filled with the Holy Spirit who helps you in your weakness.

Obviously my reader didn’t think that, and thought the appropriate response was to give one star. I wonder where on the humble-proud scale that sits – someone tells you to act according to what you believe, and you tell them it’s rubbish.

I expect that all sounds quite judgmental – it’s not meant to be, just a little overflow of my thoughts!

By the way, if you are the reader who gave me one star please make yourself known with some pointers so I can do better next time!

Pride and prayer

‘It is much easier for me to imagine a praying murderer, a praying prostitute, than a vain person praying. Nothing is so at odds with prayer as vanity.’

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Where are we on the prayer regularity scale? How will we move further up? Surely conversation with our perfect Father ought to be higher on our list of priorities. It certainly should be on mine.

Humility: True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney (audio)

Writing a book on humility is a bit odd, because it assumes that the author thinks he knows best about the subject – a problem C.J. identifies quickly. he would never admit to being humble, but I can think of few who would be more qualified than he to write this book. Humility: True Greatness seeks to redefine greatness according to God’s, rather than our, standards. Using a wide variety of Bible passages, and personal experience, C.J. takes us through the logic behind God’s view of humility vs. pride, then develops very practical tips and applies them to real life.

While the content of the book really goes no deeper than explaining the title (that humility is true greatness), the real impact comes in the practical application, which is plentiful. This book is excellent, funny, biblical, insipiring, challenging, convicting, and downright, you guessed it, humble!

Even the narrator is good. Knowing C.J.’s voice I was hoping for something that would do him justice, and the narrator does.

I received this audiobook for free as part of christianaudio.com‘s book reviewer programme. I’m not required to give a positive review.