Becoming me

Last week I was surprised to be contacted by a guy who was basically my best friend when I was 10. In a surprise twist, it wasn’t through Facebook!

Anyway, I moved house when I was 11 but he didn’t, so he stayed in touch with the people I went to school with, and when I found him on Facebook I was abl

Image via Wikipedia

e to dig through his friends and see a whole bunch of my old friendship group – great news!

What’s really interesting is that I can look at all their pictures and I see two people: them now, but mostly them as a 10 year-old. And, of course, they probably do the same when they look at me. The thing is, I don’t think I’d get on very well with my 10 year-old self – he was a bit of an idiot to be honest.

It sort of struck me that I never stopped being me, it’s just that ‘me’ changed over the last couple of decades.

But God doesn’t change. As I get older, I’ll change my hairstyle and my attitude, but God doesn’t change a single thing. That’s good news by the way.

The relationship journey

Cover of Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?

John Powell wrote a book called Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am? and in it presented his suggested stages of a deepening relationship:

1. Cliché
2. Fact
3. Opinion
4. Emotion
5. Transparency

Here’s how it works:

Cliché

You meet someone new and immediately draw a conclusion on who they are based on your limited information. If Jack introduced himself by saying, ‘Hi, I’m an auditor,’ what would you think? Without knowing a single thing about him, you’d instantly think: Booorringg!

Fact

Over a short time you might learn some more about Jack: his parents died when he was very young, he was bullied at school, he’s really into painting and is actually quite good at it.

Opinion

As your relationship with Jack grows you may start talking about his opinions: religious and political views, Mac or PC, which football team he supports.

Emotion

This can quickly move into emotion – if you disagree over an opinion you both may become emotional about it – and this is where we generally stop. Emotion is far enough thank you! ‘Let’s just agree to disagree, and move back to the ‘Fact’ stage of our relationship.’

Transparency

But the Bible calls for more – through the emotion, let’s allow ourselves to experience relationships that are deep and meaningful.

What are your relationships like? Go through your phone book and ask what level you’re at with the people there – do you know any facts about them? Do you know where their opinions lie? Have you got emotional with them at any stage?