Automatic poetry

Google’s homepage 1998–1999 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Allow me to show you some poignant, although perhaps depressing, poetry I wrote in about five seconds just now:

It’s your Birthday,
It’s your story;
It’s your choice.

It’s your move.

That’s fantastic, though I say it myself.

And I actually wrote two words of that: ‘It’s your’; the rest of it was written by Google’s automatic suggested search terms. Give it a go yourself! Head over to Google and type in a couple of words, and allow Google to write a poem for you itself.

Here are a couple more to show you how great this is:

I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly,
I don’t think so.
I don’t think so, Tim,
I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

Just one more:

I need a job
I need a dollar
I need a doctor
I need a hero

 

Please share your best ones in the comments!

Related articles

• These ‘Google Poems’ Are Hauntingly Beautiful (huffingtonpost.com)
• The Accidental Poetry of Google’s Predictive Search (fastcocreate.com)

Social media etiquette

Image via CrunchBase

I like antisocial media. I use it quite a lot – between Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Google Plus I probably get into double digits when it comes to the number of times I check social media sites. And I probably enjoy reading people’s posts, seeing their photos, laughing at videos and thinking about blog posts far more than I let on, because I’m really not very good at publicly ‘liking’ them.

But that’s what annoys me most about other people! I take the time to write a witty, clever observation in 140 characters, and how many retweets/favourites/likes/thumbs up do I get? None! This leads me to two potential conclusions:

1. It wasn’t that witty or clever; people just didn’t like it that much.
2. People did like it, but it would have taken a moment to have pressed like or whatever, so they didn’t.

Now, ignoring the fact that I’m almost certainly not as witty or clever as I think I am, I’m going to lean towards the second conclusion because that’s how I use social media; Facebook and everything else is all about me! It’s not about me liking other people’s work, it’s about me putting a fun picture up there, and everyone else thinking, ‘Wow, Sam’s definitely both clever and witty.’

I’m part of an online community of bloggers, and there’s a reasonable proportion of the community who log on, post a link to their blog, and don’t even bother to look at other people’s stuff (as far as anyone can tell). They’re known as post-and-runners, and they’re annoying.

I wonder, would social media be a nicer place if we all publicly liked each other more?

This may be a tenuous verse to bring in, but I reckon it fits:

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. (John 13:35)

Related articles

• A Week Without Social Media (kevmill.wordpress.com)
• Are We Losing Friendships Over Social Media? (blogher.com)
• Social media changes experience of being “snowed in” (denverpost.com)
• 10 Social Media Sins to Ditch for Your Valentine’s Day Date (liveconsciouslynow.com)
• Do you need to work on your social media etiquette? (immediatefuture.co.uk)
• Should social media classes be taught to kids? (worldradio.ch)

New ways to read

Magazines, Connaught Place (Photo credit: prolix6x)

I’m always excited to see the way that technology is going, and imagine what it will look like in the future. One thing which is currently changing is the idea of the magazine.

In the past, magazines happened like this: buy a magazine, and read it.

But with the dawn of digital publishing came the idea that you could select and read only those bits of a particular magazine that you found interesting. The idea of buying a magazine because that was the only way to read that column by that author became a thing of the past.

But the beauty of the magazine was lost! Rather than turning each page, enjoying the imagery and text layout, and appreciating the magazine’s structure, the reader’s experience has become one of searching through piles and piles of information to pick out that one gold nugget, then searching again.

Hence the creation of some very nice apps (like my favourite, Flipboard), which you can instruct to show you your favourite articles, images, and videos in a beautiful magazine format – it’s the best of both worlds! And of all of them, I have to say that Google Currents does this really, really well.

So it’s with excitement and anticipation that I announce that this blog is available in a specially-formatted Currents version! All you need to do is subscribe by clicking here, then it will become part of your lovely magazine. Congratulations!

And for those of you who don’t read this on a phone or tablet, so don’t appreciate anything I’ve just said, no worries! It may come as a surprise, but quality of life was actually pretty similar before all this digital stuff came along, and it will be after the impending rise of the machines, their destruction at the hands of the people that made them, and the return to an agrarian culture: you’re just way ahead of the times.

My next watch

Well.

A bit ago my mate Toby wrote about his prediction for the future of the Google Goggles. Turns out his idea for Bluetooth connectivity might be pretty much here already.

Here’s my prediction: whatever I end up getting as my next phone/watch/glasses/brain implant, I’m guaranteed to be left feeling like I’ve missed out on whatever the next Big Thing is.

But it does look cool.

How many shades of grey until everything becomes black?

English: Symbol of the “New York Society for the Suppression of Vice”, advocating book-burning. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m not sure I should even admit this, but Fifty Shades of Grey came up as recommended reading on my Amazon page the other day. If that means nothing to you, please feel free to click off this page right now.

Fifty Shades of Greyis apparently an erotic novel. Basically, porn written down. The reason it came up on my list is because someone on Facebook had written about enjoying it on their status, and as a naive guy I then went and Google-searched for it. Thanks, Amazon, for tracking my history. Recommendation removed, now it’s back to geeky gadgets and Bible commentaries.

Anyway, I want to recommend something to you, the rest of the world: please don’t read this book, or anything like it. I’ve never read it, will never read it, and hope never to find out anything more about it, but I don’t think you should either. And I have good reasons for it, which I’ve shamelessly plagiarised from Girls Gone Wise:

1. It violates God’s design for sex
2. It violates the biblical concept of authority
3. It violates the biblical concept of submission
4. It encourages the sin of sensuality
5. It promotes sexual perversion
6. It glamorizes pathological relationships
7. You won’t get it out of your head

How people find me

Image via Wikipedia

Here’s a bit of fun. WordPress is lovely in that it allows me to see what people who find my blog were originally searching for. So here are the top ten search terms people use to get here (I’ve excluded people specifically searching for ‘Sam Isaacson’ or anything with that in it because that just wouldn’t be funny enough).

So, at number ten…

10. Inconsistencies in the Bible

For the people who searched for this, I’m sorry. You probably clicked onto my blog to find some inconsistencies in the Bible and discovered that there weren’t any. Oh well.

9. A bad workman blames his tools story

Well, those of you looking for an analogy will have been served very well. I assume you found this post. I hope you were blessed by it.

8. Margarine illegal

Perfect example of how the internet proves itself – I assume you were looking for evidence that margarine is illegal. I said something about it without any background information or evidence whatsoever. I apologise.

7. Brian Cox

Ok, well, I hope you found what you were looking for! I’m not even sure who Brian Cox is any more so if anyone wants to help me out, you’re more than welcome. Maybe I should Google it and click on my own blog.

[Edit. Ok, found him, he probably landed you up here. Stuck a photo of him above to make up for it. Sorry Brian.]

6. Christian porn

Ok, I can guess how you ended up at either of these posts about porn addiction, but seriously? Just stop it, ok?

5. Justin Beever

Love it. I mentioned this guy in  passing once, and he’s number five all-time. Jolly good. Well done all. I hope you found my little drawing funny.

4. Angela Kemm

Now I know this lady, what a legend. I literally told one little story about her, I hope it helped you all out.

3. Oxo laughing stock

Ok, now all of you who actually clicked on the blog through this search, you already know the joke – that’s the punchline. I hope whatever you ended up finding improved your life.

2. Takkiya

Yep, I know what you all found, again see numbers 2 and 8 above.

1. Irony

Well, actually no-one found here by searching for ‘irony’ but the number one search term was apparently: <!search_terms> – for the 1,234 (no way!) people who searched for this and found me I hope you found what you were looking for.

Personalised advertising

“]

Cover of Minority Report [Blu-ray

I remember watching Minority Reportwhen it first came out (i.e. when you didn’t need to take out a mortgage to go to the cinema) and really enjoying their portrayal of future technology, in particular when the guy’s walking through the shopping centre.

The main character has had his eyes replaced with someone else’s, but the shopping centre advertising gadgets are scanning his eyes and are asking whether he’d be interested in buying more of whatever he bought before (I think it’s something like lingerie – always good for a laugh).

Advertising has taken a step towards this future over the last couple of years – Google shamelessly tracks all your internet activity, and gives you adverts based on complex algorithms – which websites you visit the most, what you’ve read today, what keywords are in your e-mails etc…this was no more obvious to me than today – I needed to book a hotel with work so was looking at the website of a recommended hotel, and ever since every advert has been for this specific hotel!

So is this useful, or is it encroaching into my personal space and using my personal information for profit? I don’t think I’m bothered…

Invention is the mother of pride

Image via Wikipedia

Steve Jobs was quoted recently as having said before he died that he had vowed to destroy Google if it took him till his dying breath. And in a nice little twist, Jobs’ biography has been written by another Isaacson! Alright.

And it’s not hard to get where Jobs was coming from. He invented the iPhone, and Google basically ripped off the whole idea. In capitalist society you should be rewarded for working hard and coming up with good ideas, not stealing – which is essentially what Google did by finding ways around the patent to invent Android and a different technology for pinch-to-zoom. And, let’s be honest, they haven’t done it in quite as polished a way as Apple have (not that that bothers Google at all).

But from a consumer’s point of view, I love Android. It’s made it affordable for me to own a beautiful touchscreen smartphone, and it’s freed up developers to create pretty much anything they want for the Android Market (rather than only creating what Apple wants in the iPhone app store).

So I understand what Steve Jobs was feeling, but ironically it seems like the very mindset that encouraged him to be a pioneer and inventor actually restricts the rest of humanity from developing further without his ‘permission’. Shame.

So I suppose it just goes to show that although the iPhone has benefitted the world by opening inventors’ eyes to the limitless possibilities of technology, it existed for one reason: making Steve Jobs more money. The American dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness has turned into a nightmare of the pursuit of something that is unachievable, is constantly changing, and simply doesn’t satisfy.

‘But my people have changed their glory for that which does not profit. Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the LORD, for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.’ (Jeremiah 2:11b-13)

Irony and more search terms

Image via Wikipedia

So…about this time last week I posted about which search terms had eventually led people to this blog.

As always, the number of hits peaked a little on the day I posted it, and dipped down a bit last Friday.

On Saturday, however, the number of unique hits was five times higher than usual. The Sunday hit count was about twice that of the Saturday!

By the time Monday had come around, the addition of Monday’s post meant that Monday’s hit count was nearly nine times that of Friday’s…

So the new number one search term on my list is:

SEARCH TERMS