The Blessing by John Trent and Gary Smalley

The subtitle for this book is ‘Giving the gift of unconditional love and acceptance’, and it basically outlines a strategy for improving family relationships, quality and length of life through doing just that, enacting ‘The Blessing’. The book contains four parts, answering (1) why the blessing is important, (2) the steps the blessing is made up of, (3) what happens if you don’t get the blessing, and (4) practical guidance for putting it into practice.

It’s pretty convincing. Looking at people’s lives where they haven’t received the blessing consistently leads to broken marriages, ill health and unhappy people, whereas the benefits are innumerable. The blessing is a simultaneous, ongoing five-step process made up of meaningful, appropriate touch, words of affirmation, attaching high value to people, picturing a special future, and making an active and practical commitment. So nice and simple, and relatively easy to memorise and put into practice.

It’s easy to read. The stories come across as genuine, both those from the authors’ own lives and those where they talk about others, and the book as a whole is laid out in a logical way. It’s also clearly influenced by the Bible and refers to specific passages with good effect.

But I have to say I’m not sold out on it. The concept is fine, but this book probably isn’t going to land on my ‘read it again’ pile. For a start, the real content is really in those five steps I outlined above, so to be honest there’s not much more real ‘stuff’ in the book than there is in this blog post. Secondly, I felt the book leaned a little too heavily on people’s stories rather than on practical examples of how the reader can put it into practice. Finally, in this revised and updated version there are multiple links to the blessing website and pauses for thought, which are fine in themselves but felt a bit wedged in at times – I’m not convinced they add that much.

That all said, I’d be very happy to recommend this book to anyone who wanted to improve a relationship (whether good or bad), or who had suffered through not having received the blessing themselves. On a personal level I didn’t find it as useful as others perhaps could have, but I definitely wouldn’t use that as an excuse to tell others not to benefit from it.

I got this book for free from BookSneeze.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.

What I’ve learnt about fathers and sons

George and Barbara Bush with their first born child George W. Bush, while Bush was a student at Yale (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My son’s coming up to four months old, and parenthood’s teaching me quite a lot. Expect more posts to appear over time, but I thought I ought to start somewhere.

Fatherhood’s definitely different to what I thought it would be – it’s nowhere near as complicated (actually, right now, it’s pretty straightforward) but it’s way harder.

One particular thing that struck me immediately as different was the fact that I didn’t cry when he was born. Having talked to lots of dads, and having watched One Born Every Minute, I was convinced that I’d be a babbling wreck when he arrived. As it turned out I was far too tired to respond like that, and thank goodness I’d watched One Born because having a purple son would have freaked me out otherwise.

In fact, the whole concept of immediately feeling overwhelming love towards my son had almost set the bar so high that I was never going to experience it. Where people have said before that your feelings for your kids teach you about God’s heart for you has turned out to be a bit of a let-down so far if I’m honest. When he’s older and sets fire to my car in anger and I still forgive him, maybe then I’ll get it a bit better.

But something struck me that I never knew would.

The Father was willing to sacrifice his son for me.

I think perhaps I’m learning after all.

Men being men on #oneborn

Image via Wikipedia

Yep, I admit it, I watch One Born Every Minute. Honestly, as a guy a few weeks away from becoming a Dad, it’s been more educational on labour than every article, magazine, antenatal class and book I’ve taken on board put together.

And I cry every week at the newborns’ first scream for their Mum.

No, no, I’m fine with that.

But last week what made me cry was a bit different.

One expectant Dad had been in and out of prison as a teenager but now, as a 20 year-old, had stayed out for a while, primarily because of his love for his girlfriend and his desire to be there for his new child.

And, obviously, the girl was in a bit of discomfort during labour. The midwife encouraged her by saying that the midwife, this guy, and the girl’s mum would each take a bit of the pain on her behalf if they could take any away from her. And this young man’s knee-jerk sincere response was:

I’d take the most pain.

Something inside him just knew that he’d be willing, no, desperate to sacrifice himself if he knew he could bring comfort to this girl he loves. What a man.

And what a reminder of the inspiration that led Jesus to make that ultimate sacrifice to bring us everlasting peace and joy!

Female role models

Image via Wikipedia

I was talking to a friend of mine recently about being a Dad.

He’s not a Christian but is already a Dad, and I’m about to become one; he has a daughter, I’m going to have a son. His first comment when I told him?

Having a son’s easier than having a daughter because there are more good role models.

Of course he quickly clarified that he thought his wife was an excellent role model for his daughter, but the more I thought about it the more I had to actually think that, yes, there don’t seem to be many good female role models around outside of the church.

Any ideas?

Train a child in the way he should go

So I found out last week that my first child is a boy. Pretty exciting. And because I’m me, I thought I should read lots about it.

I started with The Baby Whisperer – I figured anyone claiming to be able to make every single baby perfect with minimum effort had to get their confidence from somewhere…turns out it comes from thinking you’re wonderful, eating lots of chocolate, and swearing every so often. I’m sure there are some good lessons in there – anyway, if my son’s perfect after a couple of months you’ll know where to go to find out how you can do it too!

I then discovered an interesting little article in which some guy talks about this thing he made up with his wife. They celebrate their sons becoming men in a Bar Yeshua. The article’s here.

I potentially like the idea, and I like the way his kids clearly take on responsibility when they ‘become a man’. All good so far. Then comes the curriculum for passing the ‘man test’:

1. Knowledge of the contents of the Bible.
   • Know the names of books of the Bible in order.
   • Know Bible history.
   • Read the Bible all the way through.
   • Know main themes of biblical books.
   • Understand how Biblical teaching centers on Christ.
   • Know Greek and Hebrew (amount of knowledge tailored to the child’s ability)
2. Memorization of selected verses and passages of the Bible.
3. Knowledge of the major teachings of the Bible (doctrine).
   • Memorize a children’s catechism as a summary of doctrine.
   • Be able to explain doctrines and respond to questions using one’s own words.
4. Personal piety.
   • Using devotional materials
   • Prayer diary
   • Day-long personal retreat for prayer and fasting with Daddy
   • Growth in understanding of means for overcoming sin
5. Projects of service and mercy.
   • Serving the church; serving the needy.
6. Wisdom in dealing with various spheres of life.
   • Finances: tithing, drawing up a year-long budget; checkbook balancing; investing.
   • Etiquette: table etiquette, greeting etiquette, letter etiquette, conversational etiquette, sexual etiquette.
   • Apologetics: answering questions and objections about Christian faith; understanding the Christian world view and the main competing worldviews and ideas in the United States.
   • Sexuality: knowing Christian teaching and standards for thoughts and actions. Understanding how God designed male and female bodies.

Um…wow? I can’t do half of that now! The age for this test is his son’s 13th Birthday, and assessment starts at 11. Drawing up a year-long budget at age 11? Learning biblical Hebrew and Greek? Memorising a catechism and the full order of Bible books?

Perhaps I’m shooting too low with expectations for my son, but does this strike anyone else as making a kid grow up a tad too quickly? Part of me thinks that a boy who’s memorised Scripture, serves faithfully in the local church and has training in apologetics has got to have a good headstart for moving out into the big wide world, but part of me can’t get away from the fact that at 12 I’d probably want him to say ‘do you want to go outside and play football’ rather than ‘have you ever wondered about John’s use of logos?’

Any thoughts, anyone? Particularly from parents of boys? Any tips would be very welcome!

What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp (audio)

Expectations for marriage, particularly among Christians, are often way off the truth. They’ve led to unhappy marriages, many separations and divorces, and family break-ups. This book tackles pretty much every false expectation head-on.

It’s longer than the typical audiobook, but that’s because it’s so thorough. Tripp looks at everything at the base level – family background and culture, respect, love, sex, character differences – he draws on many scarily real stories and suggests practical ways forward.

This really is very good at pinpointing problems couples face, getting to the root of it, and putting in place biblical solutions. I can honestly say that this is the best holistic guidebook for marriage I’ve read.

That said, the formula for each chapter is so well-formed that it runs the risk of becoming repetitive, and the structure is quite formal so if you’d rather read a more conversational book I don’t think I’d recommend this one.

The audio version is excellent – the narrator is spot on and the text has been updated specifically for it. It’s probably the best audio transition I’ve heard.

I’d recommend this book to any married couple who faces even minor challenges (and let’s face it, who doesn’t?) – your marriage will be strengthened I’m sure. I’d also recommend it to engaged couples – it will help to correct your expectations and prepare for the biggest challenge of your life!

I got this audiobook for free from the christianaudio.com reviewer programme. I’m not required to give a positive review.

Sex, Romance and the Glory of God by CJ Mahaney

I’d previously known about, and been recommended, this book so was grateful for the chance to borrow it from a friend. In it CJ Mahaney presents his thoughts on the Song of Songs and how husbands can respond. It’s definitely for husbands not boyfriends, and while part of it is written by CJ’s wife to wives, the majority of this is written only for husbands.

The book can basically be summed up in one sentence: touch her mind and heart before you touch her body. It will not necessarily, as CJ points out, ‘turn your every sexual encounter with your wife into a sweating, shouting frenzy’, but rather it should ‘improve any couple’s sex life significantly’.

I’d definitely recommend it – it’s biblical, it’s funny, it’s practical. Anna read the bit to wives, and she’d recommend it too.

Ransomed Dreams by Sally John

Quick synopsis: Sheridan is married to Eliot, but they’re estranged due to his physical and emotional disabilities he received after he was shot. She discovers something about her hated father which opens up a journey of forgiveness and reconciliation.

I found myself drawn into this book. Sally John writes well – she inspires laughter and tears, develops believable stories, and puts in enough deep material to encourage the reader to think. This is particularly good thanks to the group discussion questions which are presented in an appendix.

That said, I spent a good two-thirds of the book not really empathising with the main character. The reasons for the relationship breakdown aren’t really explained until way later on, so at the start it seemed to me like a wife who was eternally grumpy with her disabled husband, and a husband who was ungrateful for her care and efforts. Only once the lifestyle was described in more detail did I understand what was going on.

The ‘spiritual’ message behind the book is reasonably clear – trust in God through trials, and be willing to forgive others. But exactly why remains a mystery. In short, if you’re looking for a theological message in a book this one’s ok, but not great.

So, an enjoyable, light-hearted read so long as you stick with it. I’d read others by the same author.

I got this book for free as part of Tyndale‘s blogger review network. I’m not required to give a positive review.

Happily Ever Laughter edited by Ken Davis

This is a collection of thirty humorous marriage tales from a whole bunch of married men and women. The aim of the book is to underline the unrealistic ambition of many married couples to live ‘happily ever after’ and replace it with a more realistic aim: to live ‘happily ever laughter’.

That’s a bit cheesy, but it’s almost that which makes the book. Take thirty ridiculous yet somehow scarily close to home stories, add a heavy dose of American humour, and this is the result. The book’s very easy to read and the chapters are short (two or three pages), each with its own ‘laughter lesson’ to take into marriage, although to be honest the lessons tend not to go much deeper than ‘stop taking yourself so seriously’.

I thoroughly enjoyed the book for its light hearted humour aspect, but if you’re looking for anything deeper in order to develop your marriage I think that other books would do that job quite a lot better. I would heartily recommend this book to anyone who feels the weight of marriage as something serious – this book impresses upon the reader the seriousness of joy in marriage!

I got this book for free as part of Tyndale House Publishers’ blog network. I’m not required to give a positive review.

Misconception: one couple's journey from embryo mix-up to miracle baby by Paul and Shannon Morell with Angela Hunt (audio)

Misconception is an account of a nine-month journey faced by Paul and Shannon Morell. They successfully gave birth to twins using IVF, and hoped to give birth again until they discovered that their thawed embryos had been implanted into another woman. The struggles faced included the fear that the other woman would abort the baby, and dealing with national press coverage.

I was really looking forward to this book – I thought it would give a unique view into something I know very little about, but I’m afraid I didn’t really get it. The account is one-sided (as it has to be), but the authors’ inability to understand any other points of view about this extreme ethical dilemma was frustrating. For example, at one point Shannon is clearly offended that anyone would question her right to bring up this child who had been in another woman’s womb for the last nine months – I’m not saying anyone should, only that she sees this complex situation as quite black and white.

At times I found myself becoming frustrated with the logic presented. At one point, for example, Paul and Shannon were deciding whether or not to go public with the news story. Neither wanted the public to know, but based on their thoughts that the story was likely to get out anyway, they decided to go on national television.

The writing style is good, and the story is a compelling one, but my struggle here is what audience this book would appeal to. If you are considering IVF then this book may help, but there are better ones out there. If you have had an embryo mix-up, this book may well help. But if you’re just looking for a good read, I’d look somewhere else if I were you.

I got this audiobook for free from christianaudio.com as part of their audiobook reviewers’ programme. I’m not required to give a positive review.