20050624_a_fathers_grief (Photo credit: ThisandFamily)
Losing a child has to be one of the worst experiences. Carrying my little man recently has helped me to properly start getting a handle on the value of human life, but the fact that he’s my son adds extra weight to it.
What if I did something, or something just randomly happened, that ended up with him losing his life?
I can tell you right now that I don’t think I’d ever get over it.
It got me thinking about Shakespeare’s line though; is it actually better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? Of course, without having loved there isn’t the chance to experience the highs that go with it, but do they make up for the potential lows if that loved one is lost?
A lady called Miriam Neff seems to have written about dealing with loss, and she definitely doesn’t paint over the grief:
What took me by surprise was the power, the all-consuming grip, the sudden shock of an emotion rolling over me, literally rendering me unable to function for a moment or sometimes longer.
Imagine a single event dramatically changing your calendar, your checkbook, your friendship network, the contents of your refrigerator, the temperature you set your thermostat, your outlook on your future and your connection with your children.
She offers eight steps through grief:
- Be kind to yourself
- Give yourself permission to forget the task at hand.
- Write in a journal
- Surround yourself with positive people
- Be wary of people who want to direct your life
- Give yourself permission to try new things
- Attend to your health, since grief can weaken the immune system
- When it feels right, change the furniture layout in a room
I haven’t read the book but it looks pretty powerful; if you’d like to check it out go to widowconnection.com.
HT: Bev Hislop
Dear Sam,
I just found you again after having followed you for a long time on Studylight.org. As I went to your sight I was stunned to see the title of this piece. I have read it twice with tears and I just had to post a note to you. I have not read Miriams book but I will be looking for it in the near future.
Her words were powerful and to the point and so true. My husband and I lost a son in Iraq back in 2007 and in the fire years since the grief has ebbed and flowed many times over. It is truly something that you never ever get over but God’s sustaining arms encircle us moment by moment.
I have been in full time ministry for many years working with youth and those who I will call ‘spiritually orphaned’ because of no background or betrayal or both. My husband (Dale) and I have been so blessed in so many ways. I have several groups that meet in an open social network and they are all hungry to know God but want nothing to do with the conventional church….not that I am sure any more just what that is.
At any rate I look forward to reading your blog here and if there were the time and opportunity to talk with you more i would like the chance to share our story and what we do, and how that is reaching others.
My best to you and Anna and your new little boy. Enjoy every moment with them both, and just for me call your Mom and tell her that you love her.
Take Care and God Bless!!!!!
Always Remember You Are Loved!!!
Love
Kay
Hi Kay
Thanks for digging out my blog, and thanks for your comment, it means a lot.
I know I’ve been poor at keeping StudyLight up-to-date so sorry about that, most of my efforts are focused here for the time-being – I look forward to corresponding more in future!
Sam