20050624_a_fathers_grief (Photo credit: ThisandFamily)
Losing a child has to be one of the worst experiences. Carrying my little man recently has helped me to properly start getting a handle on the value of human life, but the fact that he’s my son adds extra weight to it.
What if I did something, or something just randomly happened, that ended up with him losing his life?
I can tell you right now that I don’t think I’d ever get over it.
It got me thinking about Shakespeare’s line though; is it actually better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? Of course, without having loved there isn’t the chance to experience the highs that go with it, but do they make up for the potential lows if that loved one is lost?
A lady called Miriam Neff seems to have written about dealing with loss, and she definitely doesn’t paint over the grief:
What took me by surprise was the power, the all-consuming grip, the sudden shock of an emotion rolling over me, literally rendering me unable to function for a moment or sometimes longer.
Imagine a single event dramatically changing your calendar, your checkbook, your friendship network, the contents of your refrigerator, the temperature you set your thermostat, your outlook on your future and your connection with your children.
She offers eight steps through grief:
- Be kind to yourself
- Give yourself permission to forget the task at hand.
- Write in a journal
- Surround yourself with positive people
- Be wary of people who want to direct your life
- Give yourself permission to try new things
- Attend to your health, since grief can weaken the immune system
- When it feels right, change the furniture layout in a room
I haven’t read the book but it looks pretty powerful; if you’d like to check it out go to widowconnection.com.
HT: Bev Hislop
