Parenting lessons from a stand-up comedian

Cover of Parenting (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Parents are killjoys, aren’t they? You take your spoon, start hitting your soup so it starts to splat around everywhere, and they come along, take the spoon and the soup away, and tell you that your happiness isn’t as important as keeping the room clean.

Or, as Brian Regan put it, the parent’s saying:

Hey man, knock that off. Can’t you see the paint on the walls is more important than the joy in your heart?!

Kevin DeYoung says some pretty good stuff a lot of the time, and although I expect you already know where he’s going to go with this one, have a read of the lessons he learnt from Brian Regan.

You can’t give it away

The translators of the King James Version of the Holy Bible intentionally preserved, in Early Modern English, archaic pronouns and verb endings that had already begun to fall out of spoken use. This enabled the English translators to convey the distinction between the 1st, 2nd and 3rd person singular and plural verb forms of the original Hebrew and Greek sources. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This one might be a touch weird, but bear with me. Here are the facts:

• Every school’s getting a copy of the King James Bible if Michael Gove’s plan goes ahead.
• Some people were cross that the cost of this (£370,000) was going to be paid for by taxpayers.
• So some Tory donors are paying for it.

And here are my reactions:

• The Bible’s terrific, and everyone should have access to it.
• The KJV isn’t my favourite translation, but it’s alright.
• £370,000 really isn’t very much in the grand scheme of things (around 6p per taxpayer).
• A lot of schools already have copies of the Bible so won’t need another one.
• This particular Bible has a gold ‘presented by’ message right on the spine, which reminds me of King Herod’s Temple in Jerusalem (Jesus didn’t really like that).

Others have reacted to it, but let me point you towards a couple. David Mitchell has his own unique take on this which made me chuckle. Richard Dawkinshas a different take on it (as you’d expect), which I find a bit silly really. I’ll explain why.

 For a start, it’s in the Science section of the newspaper. I don’t get that at all.

Secondly, Dawkins’ issue seems not to be with ‘Giving a Bible’ vs. ‘Not giving a Bible’, but instead ‘The KJV’ vs. ‘Everything else in the world’.

Thirdly, Dawkins’ funny little story about self-professing Christians not being able to identify the first book of the Bible is misleading; (1) I wasn’t asked so they clearly missed some in their poll, (2) a lot of people who say they’re Christians may well not be, and (3) when Dawkins was asked to give the title of Charles Darwin’s evolution book on live radio he couldn’t get past the first couple of words. Whoopsie.

Fourthly, Dawkins’ assumption that Christians think the Bible’s a moral guidebook is simply wrong – it’s the story of God’s redemptive work for humanity. It’s all about grace!

Fifthly, the following [annotated] quote is actually quite good:

In the words of Paul, the inventor of Christianity (or whoever really wrote the Epistle to the Hebrews [very unlikely to have been Paul so I’m not sure where he’s got that from]), “without shedding of blood, there is no remission”. And the scapegoat couldn’t be just anybody. The sin was so great that only his son (or God himself, depending on your Trinitarian theology [the Christian theology would say Jesus is both]) would do. It was necessary for God to come “down” personally to Earth and have himself tortured and executed, after being “betrayed” (though why it was a betrayal since getting himself executed was the main purpose of the visit, is never explained, nor is the millennia-long vendetta against Jews as “Christ-killers” [the Bible’s pretty clear that things can be against God’s moral will yet still aligned to God’s sovereign will; Dawkins needs to do his homework]).

Whatever else the Bible might be – and it really is a great work of literature – it is not a moral book and young people need to learn that important fact because they are very frequently told the opposite. The examples I have quoted are the tip of a very large and very nasty iceberg. Not a bad way to find out what’s in a book is to read it, so I say go to it. But does anybody, even Gove, seriously think they will?

Good challenge, Richy Rich, let’s read the Bible!

The greatest show on earth #thehump

 

Eurovision song contest (Photo credit: kjelljoran)

Yes, I know, Richard Dawkins would have us believe that godless creation is The Greatest Show on Earth, but the truth is that Eurovision is.

Eurovision: the most watched non-sporting competition in the world. And it’s on tomorrow evening.

It’s at times an unbelievable showcase of Europe’s varied music scene; I can’t remember the last time Germany didn’t put in a heavy metal or dark hip-hop band, and Eastern Europe’s addiction to club music is contagious.

It’s also the most unexpected version of political you can imagine; countries that in any other situation hate one another’s guts vote for one another every single year, and Azerbaijan (this year’s hosts) went to extreme lengths to simply black out the screen during Armenia’s performance, and arrested people who voted for them. Epic.

And the UK has this magic way of simultaneously finding Eurovision a living joke while really wanting to win, and puts in some of the most odd performers our country can muster: Andrew Lloyd-Webber, Blue (remember how Eurovision was meant to be their springboard back to fame? Ha!) and of course #thehump Engelbert Humperdink, a man I genuinely thought was a fictional character until two weeks ago. Thanks Princess Bride.

Anyway, if you’re not busy enough cheering on England against Norway tomorrow evening, or just want something to switch over to beforehand, during halftime, and afterwards, why not have a little look at the second largest flagpole in the world?!

Come on Russia!

And, while we’re at it, who can believe that Jedward are back again?!

Yay! Half a percent less inflated than this time last week…what?

The Bank of England in Threadneedle Street, London. Deutsch: Sitz der Bank von England in der Londoner Threadneedle Street. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sir Mervyn King doesn’t have to write a letter this quarter, and apparently That’s Good News.

As far as I know inflation is meant to indicate how much more we can expect to spend on stuff next year. (If that’s wrong, please tell me – I sort of need to know for my job.) So inflation dropping from 3.5% to 3% is A Good Thing For Everyone. And it does mean two things:

1. If you get any sort of pay rise this year over 3%, it’s actually worth more than it would otherwise have meant. Happy days!
2. If you get a pay rise of less than 3% or don’t get a pay rise (in the current climate probably more likely), it means we’re all steadily getting poorer, but less so than we would have otherwise. Not happy days, but better than it could have been.

So how to respond to something like this? Simples. We need to ask the question: can I give more?

What? No, that’s not right, is it? Inflation means that I’m going to have to spend more and you’re suggesting I need to give more as well?

Yes I am. In effect we’ve all been given another 0.5% of our spending back so why not pass that on to those who need it more?

And here’s a naughty little thought: those who need it more are definitely not banks, so how about we all boycott them and stop (a) taking out loans and (b) saving with them.

Ooh, that one’s going to get me in trouble.

An opportunity to change the world

The High Cost of Living (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Do you have any money? Of course you do, you’re on the internet.

The average salary in the UK a few years ago was £25,000. If you earn that much, you’re on about 25 times the global average salary. Even taking into account the cost of living that makes you massively wealthy – part of the top-earning 1.42% in the world.

Just to prove I didn’t make that up, check out the calculators here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17543356

http://www.globalrichlist.com/

And Crossway is giving us all the opportunity to donate to a very worthy cause: give generously over here and see the world changed to the glory of God: http://www.crossway.org/group/grant

What will it take for you to believe?

 

Corcovado jesus (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Have you ever wondered what blind faith actually looks like? We use it as a phrase but never really dig into it. Well, how’s about this as an example:

Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. (Matthew 28:16-17)

Hang on, some doubted? You’ve just physically seen the risen Lord and still doubt? Sounds like blind faith to me!

Earlier this month a guy took offense at some throwaway comment I made, suggesting that the evidence for Jesus’ resurrection was all fake. We had a bit of a chat but when I asked him what it would take for him to believe, I was met with silence.

In other words, he has already made up his mind about Jesus’ resurrection without having considered any evidence. That’s called blind faith.

Believe it or not I don’t have a problem with people’s blind faith so long as they admit that it is what it is! Someone who says, ‘I haven’t looked at the evidence for Jesus’ resurrection but don’t believe it and will never believe it’ gets my respect because at least they’re grown up enough to take responsibility for their own decisions (even if I think they’re wrong).

But if you say that you’ve looked at the evidence and would be willing to believe but still don’t, I do want to ask you the question: what would you need to be shown to be convinced?

 

Related articles

• Talking reason at Easter (samisaacson.wordpress.com)
• Doubt vs Faith (musiqdragonfly.wordpress.com)
• Blind Faith? (str.typepad.com)

It is not good for a man to be alone

 

Husbands and Wives (song) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On behalf of all men everywhere can I admit: men need help.

Now I’ve cleared the air, Rick Thomas, a trained counsellor, has written a great article basically assessing the fact that men act like they can do fine on their own (because they’re men) but they really need help from their wives.

What do you think?

The grass is always greener

Apple iPad Event (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Have you ever thought that computer programming is similar to life? No? Oh, right.

Well, anyway: one of the most basic computer programming concepts is the IF-THEN statement. IF [I click the ‘Start’ picture] THEN [open the menu]. And I think that we all do this with life as well, just in a slightly different way:

IF [I got married] THEN [I’d be happy]
IF [I get the new iPad] THEN [I’ll feel fulfilled]
IF [we get pregnant] THEN [I’ll know God loves me]
IF [I earned more] THEN [I’d give more to the church]

That old phrase ‘the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence’ is so true, isn’t it? I’m out at work all day and it’s far too easy for me to think how great it would be to just be at home with my son on maternity leave…but I’m sure that Anna could very easily feel similarly about me, the guy who abandons her every morning and just relaxes with no screaming baby and surroundings that aren’t our flat!

I’ve just quit my job to take a new one, and I’ve had to be careful not to leave just because IF [I get a new job] THEN [I’ll be happier at work]! Thankfully, the Bible has some useful guidance on what our attitude should be:

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)

It’s right to be discontent with injustice, but are you content with the grass on your side of the fence? Or do you find it too easy to slip into the IF-THEN mentality?

Let’s commit together to take our eyes off our circumstances and fix them on Jesus.

Spider Man is apparently still amazing

I’ve never really been into the Spider Man films – it always seems that this superhero does incredibly well for two-thirds of the film before being paralysed by something ridiculous…but I’m sure they’re really enjoyable, so I thought I’d share this extended preview that’s come out.

I reckon it would have been improved if, when asked at about 1:30 ‘Who are you?’ Spider Man responded ‘I’M BATMAN.’ Never mind.

No, I was not like!

Photograph of the debating chamber of the British House of Commons in the Palace of Westminster, London, looking north-east (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’ll surprise no-one (and that really says something) that I just overheard someone’s phone conversation:

…and he was like, ‘what are you looking at?’ And so I was like, ‘nothing,’ but he was like ‘it looks like you’re watching that guy.’

Now, here’s the thing: in conversation this seems fine, but written down it’s a bit odd. Can you imagine reading a newspaper and reading:

In the House of Commons today the Prime Minister stood up and was like ‘here’s our new bill,’ but the Shadow Chancellor was like, ‘that’s a silly idea.’

But my prediction is that over the course of the next generation this is just going to become an accepted part of the human language; to say something ‘was like’ will somewhat replace saying ‘he said.’

Stranger things have happened.

Just a little idea, I suppose. Language just changes, but without knowing what something meant when it was written it can be difficult to understand it. The Bible was written over a very long period, a very long time ago, and some bits of it were difficult to understand even at the time (just look at 2 Peter 3:16!) – when we read the Bible we should be asking these questions in this order:

1. What does the passage mean?
2. What did it mean at the time?
3. What should I do as a result?